Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
