I accidentally had phone sex last night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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