lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
