I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
