this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
