mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
