return my video game
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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