I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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