I showed him my bush... on skype.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
