Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
