after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
