Need sex. Gaining weight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
