Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
