also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
