girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
