Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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