some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
