Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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