who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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