If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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