windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
