Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
