the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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