My underwear smells like fireworks.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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