I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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