So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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