I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
