Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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