i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just saw a hot homeless man
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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