Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
