I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
