He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
