you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
