Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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