we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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