I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
