when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
