I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it's like iHOP with fire
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
