Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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