You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
