Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
