i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
