so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
