Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
