her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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