I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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