So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
