I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
