I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
