ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
