omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
