Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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