It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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