I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
